The Top 5 Lies That Were Keeping Me Sick

When I became conscious of the root of my suffering, I also became conscious of a web of lies extending like mycelium throughout my life.  These lies were keeping me from knowing what had happened to me as a child and how to heal from it. The network of lies was deceivingly thick, and it took a fierce psychological machete to cut through all the BS and get on a path to well-being.

Here are the top 5  lies that were keeping me sick and unconscious.

1. The menstrual cycle is an unintelligent process and constant pain and anguish are a normal part of being a woman. 

For many years, I suffered from severe and ever-worsening chronic right-side ovarian pain, pre-menstrual pain, general pelvic pain,  and stomach-digestive pain, with accompanying anxiety and insomnia, among other torment.  I went to the doctor many times over the years and never got any answers besides the recommendation for birth control, which never felt right because I knew it wasn’t getting to the root of the problem. I wanted to get to the root of the issue; I just had no earthly idea that the root was childhood trauma.  I didn’t know anything about trauma, and doctors never mentioned anything about the connection between these symptoms and physiological patterns that stem from trauma. 

When I finally tapped the root of what was ailing me, I was able to survive the physical and psychological windfall without any medication or Western medical support. Not even so much as an ibuprofen. I had quit drinking, smoking, and other forms of numbing, and I was graced with the support of a skilled healer/therapist who had faith that I would be able to get well by letting my body’s wisdom and truth reveal itself. Some part of me believed this, too. I don’t know that this is a path for everyone; I only know what I went through and that I no longer suffer from pelvic pain, menstrual pain, insomnia, or anxiety.  During this process, I realized my menstrual cycle was a relentless truth-bringer.  The patterns and waves of sensation and information brought on by my monthly cycle were intelligent. They brought up information - in the form of sensation and emotion, about what needed to change.  Most of the changes needed were learning to care for myself.  It is much more complicated than that, but that was a big part.  Once I started listening to what the sensations and emotions in my body were telling me and providing myself with the needed support, guidance, and care, my entire system started to come back into balance. The changes needed were drastic, and it was a horrible and uncomfortable, but the healing was equally immense.  

Why does society want us to believe that our bodies can’t be trusted and that our periods and natural hormonal systems and cycles are some kind of defective unfortunate aspect of being a woman? I’ll let you answer that for yourself, but in my case, it served to protect the patriarchal structure of the family system, which I was 100% upholding, albeit unconsciously.   This has nothing to do with gender; it is about outdated systems of survival that we all participate in. Our society, at this moment in time, is not built to support the needs of a thriving, healthy, balanced body-mind and family system for most people. Blaming everything a woman is upset or uncomfortable about on her period is erroneous and dangerous. Our natural cycles are connected to nature’s intelligence and bring us the information needed to inform our healing. Women, it starts with us. Our menstrual and other hormonal cycles carry wisdom about what patterns need to change, and we are the only ones with the power to make the necessary changes. 

1. Sensitivity is a weakness. 

Being able to feel the subtleties of life is a superpower.  Most of us, for very good reason, have numbed out and repressed so much emotion and sensation that allowing feelings can be overwhelming and unpleasant. I know this very well.  However, once these repressed or numbed-out energies are connected to truth and felt, the system can start to come into equilibrium.  Feeling, sensing, and perceiving become our sharpest tools for evolving and enjoying life in a holistic way. Being able to feel and sense the world around us enlivens every moment and provides us with the information we need to put us on a path toward thriving. Being in touch with your senses and sensation can also turn you into a skilled bull-shit detector. Can you think of any reasons why other people wouldn’t want you to become a skilled bull-shit detector?  It’s a brave undertaking to embrace our sensitivity and become keenly perceptive. Society - no likey. 

1. People who read self-help books are weak or somehow lacking intelligence. 

I’ve heard this in many different ways throughout my life, and my take on this one is that people who read self-help books likely haven't been surrounded by very helpful people. Good for you for seeking the resources to get well in a society that thinks itself superior whilst offering very little help. 

4. You have a mental health problem. 

I can almost guarantee you that when you start to trust your body and trust what it is trying to tell you, other people will try to write you off as crazy or mental. Calling someone who is talking about an uncomfortable truth (e.g. childhood abuse) crazy or mentally ill is a very powerful tool for keeping the truth buried and for protecting reputations. Mental health is a tricky topic because I absolutely believe tending to our mental health is as important as any other aspect of our well-being, and there certainly isn’t any shame in that; however, we need to be careful not to adopt and other people’s self-protective jibber-jabber as truth.  I have always known that my brain functions normally, which was reinforced throughout my graduate studies which included a fair bit of neuroscience. Be careful not to imbibe the idea you have mental health issues when it is possible you were fed you a stack of lies. Grant it: reckoning with the changes needed could take more courage than you ever knew you had, but courage doesn’t come from the brain. Courage comes from the heart.  I will also mention when someone tells you "It's all in your head" and you are pretty damn sure most of it is in your body, trust yourself. 

5. Midlife crises are a personal problem

I don’t think any stage of men's and women’s lives are more gas-lit and shamed than midlife. Midlife is a natural time of physiological maturation, awakening, and recalibration, and much like the disparaging attitudes towards menstrual cycles, midlife transformations are too often denigrated and made to seem like some uniquely personal weakness. When I experienced a difficult midlife transformation, a healing crisis of epic proportions, there was little support available. These transformative periods in our lives require attention to spiritual, emotional, psychological, relational, and physical aspects of our being, and our society mainly offers pills and shame. The primary message I received and still receive to a certain extent is to take a pill and don’t talk about it. I find it helpful to do exactly the opposite of that. I am happily sober and speaking out helps me grow. The few people who were able to help me, were people who could handle the truth and knew I was not weak or crazy, but that I was in fact strong, brave, and going through an epic upgrade. I hope to become one of those people for others.