I had a flu that lasted for over two weeks. During that time, I scrolled the news at the rate of an IV drip—a temporary fever-induced endorphin addiction. The surreal images of world leaders flashed in my mind like a dark circus. The wrinkles between my eyes deepened.
Finally, one day, I had enough energy to go for a walk. It also happened to be the first day spring peeked its head out of the winter wreckage. The sun came out, birds chirped, and daffodils bloomed. The aggressive series of winter storms and tragedies was stopped in its tracks by the gentlest of day. I walked up the hill that I always walk up, skirting views of the ocean, the river mouth, Megler Bridge, and the Columbia. Sparkling sunlight twinkled across the serene water, eagles soared, and friendly neighbors walked their dogs. As I wound around the hill and started to come back down, a little white mail truck rumbled up the adjacent hill. It was picturesque and reminded me of a scene from a children’s book. I have a particular affection for mail trucks because kids love them, which means - pay attention! If a child is fascinated by it, you can be sure it holds a certain magic. If you think about it, they really do. Quirky mail truck drivers deliver messages from person to person on foot and by hand. Even if it is primarily bills and ads, they are still paper messages traveling through geographical space and time to reach you instead of eyeball-to-eyeball in cyberspace.
Seeing the mail truck was a brief utopian moment before POOF. Right before my eyes, it was replaced by a Tesla Cyber Truck. Cold and dark, all angles, no curves, no charm. The futuristic image spooked me, and I blinked twice as the little white mail truck disappeared up the forest-lined neighborhood hill. It must have been the flu.
I kept walking. It felt so good to breathe fresh air, to be back outside and re-connecting with life. I thought about the cold, sharp cyber truck. I felt it. It felt lifeless, like how the flu makes you feel. Dead energy. Feeling-less.
I don’t have a burning hate for Elon Musk because he is just being himself and doing what comes naturally to him. I believe he identifies as having unhealed childhood trauma and autism. I could be wrong, but I’ve heard something about that. I only mention that because sometimes people with autism lack what is called “theory of mind.”. They can’t feel or imagine what others may be feeling. It is the opposite of an ‘empath’ or someone who can not only imagine and empathize but feel, in their body, what other people are feeling. Like how when one woman loses a baby, we feel something cry out, somewhere below our heart, somewhere very deep. Being of an atypical neurological constitution is no excuse for bad behavior, but just to say that if we were Elon or he was us, we would all be doing the same thing.
Have you seen the Never Ending Story? Where the world is being eaten alive by “The Great Nothing”? That is what the cyber truck represents to me—a great void of feeling. If you are hurt, not feeling anything makes perfect sense. The cyber truck makes sense. It symbolizes when there is just too much pain to feel. The pain is far away and inaccessible at this point. The cyber truck is very safe and sensible. Feeling-less.
Some people theorize that women are subtly and physically connected to the Earth and the cosmos in a different way than men. I don’t know, but I suspect there is truth to that. I do know that I feel an ever-deepening connection to my body and nature. It sometimes feels like I receive information about the bigger picture when I’m connected and listening deeply to my body. Not through words and thoughts but through my senses and the language it speaks. It was a rough road to get here. To this place of feeling. To this trusting relationship with myself and my inner knowings about what is needed and what is life-giving. The electric, buzzing, humming, sacred spirit of life runs through the highways and meridians of my body, just as it runs through the Earth’s meridians. It guides, speaks to, and inspires me.
Elon Musk has a lot of data in his brain, and he can build things that have value for a world that his brain is calculating. But there are other data points he likely does not have access to. There is information about what is needed for life on this planet to persist that can’t be accessed through the mind alone.
I feel it. Do you?
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