Trigger Warnings and Other Insights on Sharing Sensitive Stories

Since I started writing and sharing the truth related to my healing journey, I have heard people say various versions of this, “I don’t need to hear, know, or read about other people’s trauma.” 

My response to those who aren’t interested in reading about trauma is - I don’t blame you, and you don’t have to. That’s the most remarkable thing about free speech. Everyone is empowered to speak, and everyone is empowered to choose whether to listen or not. If you don’t want to read difficult survival stories, there is probably a good reason, and you don’t have to. Honor yourself and honor your choices. I honor them. 

Trust me, I would have rather written about something else. I would have rather written a book that was easy to share.  I would have loved just to skip over that whole being abused as a child thing. Wouldn’t that have been nice to avoid? I would have much rather my debut novel be an inspiring story about growing flowers and baking cakes. However, I was given a different assignment. My assignment involves truth and healing—two things we tend to glamorize or glaze over. Lord, I get it. Facing the truth and healing are rough. They involve messy, bone-rattling, vulnerable, tongue-tied, stomach-turning discomfort and bravery. Not the kind of bravery that gets you up a mountain but the type of bravery that leaves you crucified. 

So yes, I get it. I would never force or coerce anyone into reading my story. I have great respect for other people’s choices. I shared my story because it is in my nature to do so. I had a story to tell, and I told it bravely. I am willing to stand behind it if it is something helpful to others. I’m willing to get crucified by criticism, ignorance, and awkward reactions - all over again. Because you know what, I didn't die. In fact, I am starting to enjoy the challenges of facing my fears, discomforts, self-doubt, and other difficulties associated with my desire to live an increasingly creative life. 

To those who are called to read survival stories of trauma and healing, I can now attest that it benefits survivors. Allowing others to witness my story has helped me on an energetic level. I’ll try to explain what I mean with a metaphor. Imagine your throat is swollen and infected.  Nothing you try helps. You can speak, but it is always painful. You try everything: teas, honey, syrups, pills. Then, one day, you allow someone to bear witness to your most vulnerable story, and suddenly, your throat feels better, and it no longer hurts when you speak. You thought your throat was about expressing yourself. You didn’t know it was also about listening and hearing. You didn’t know it was about hearing kind and true things about yourself from others. You didn’t know it was about being heard. 

So, thank you to those of you who are called to bear witness. To those who are not called to bear witness, it’s okay. We all have different roles to play in each other's healing. 

Regarding trigger warnings, I think it’s good to include a note about discretion, but it is not my job as a writer and survivor to protect others from the truth—quite the opposite. My job is to be the truth-teller, continue doing what I am called, and continue healing. Too much emphasis on trigger warnings is disempowering and misleading.  It suggests there is something offensive, shameful, or harmful about the victim or writer.  There is nothing offensive, shameful, or harmful about a survivor. If you are a survivor of childhood abuse, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Your true story is not what is hurting people. Predators and ignorance hurt people and silence protects both. 

Trust me, I know better than anyone that my story is uncomfortable to read.  I was the one who had to go through it, and yes, it was horrible. It wasn’t rainbows and sunshine to write about it, either. However, facing discomfort and doing what is necessary to heal can lead to greater fulfillment and satisfaction. I can attest to that. 

There are many different reasons people choose to read books or not. Some don’t want or care to read personal narratives; some have unresolved trauma that could be triggered, and others only read specific genres and authors. It’s all okay. The same goes for agents and publishers. It isn’t personal. 

As far as choosing how you share your story, that is personal, and whatever you choose is fine. Share it in a women’s circle, share it with your spouse, write it, and then burn it, or, if you are like me and feel called to share it with a broader audience, take the steps you can as you feel ready. Many forces will discourage you and try to silence you.  Keep going. Getting to the point where I was ready to share was full of challenges, but it’s all part of the journey.  Someday, I might write that inspiring story about growing flowers and baking cakes, and I guarantee you I will have a much easier process of getting it out into the world. By then, I will have a more extensive support network, more life experience, more writing experience, more healing behind me, and more resources. The story of growing flowers and baking cakes will be no more or less valuable than my survival story. The journey is just as valuable as the destination. 

So, keep writing, sharing, expressing yourself, seeking truth, and honoring your and others' choices.  

Much love

Megan