If I could choose to go to lunch with any celebrity(s), I would choose Jonathon Van Ness, Cheryl Strayed, and Elizabeth Gilbert. I would like to dine with all of them at once. One big brunch. Here is why I choose these three.
Jonathan Van Ness
If you don’t know who Jonathan Van Ness is, he is one of the hosts for the Netflix television makeover show “Queer Eye”. In this reality series, a team of energetic, stylish, caring, queer-identifying actors, travel around the US uplifting the downtrodden and inspiring the living daylights out of others, including me. I have found the show life-giving at times when very few things were helping to inspire. Jonathan Van Ness is one of the most inspirational celebrities I know of. Through his (or his character’s) fearless self-love, humor, and bold self-expression he/she/they heal others. And you can be sure - he attracts hate and ignorance in proportion to his authenticity. Recently he wore a gown on the red carpet of an awards show and the comments people left on social media were vile. Jonathon knows all about this hate and could choose to hide. He could duck and cover and avoid all the negativity but instead has chosen to reveal the parts of himself that others may not approve of or worse, violently reject. He has chosen his soul over his safety and in doing so he creates a sense of solidarity with others who have been historically discriminated against. Jonathon is truthful in the name of love. Here is a link to hear him speak https://youtu.be/0jivIthAWMw?si=MUL-kj0ayPmNJ5gy
I understand why people react in a hateful manner to someone doing or sharing something that makes others feel uncomfortable. We fiercely and sometimes violently reject anything that threatens our sense of comfort and safety regardless of if it is warranted or not. The fact that a lovely human in a gorgeous gown who also happens to have a beard is such a threat speaks, not to the wonkiness of Jonathon, but to the wonkiness of those who are threatened by him. However, I do understand. When we can’t fit others' appearance, story, or behavior neatly into our viewpoints, the ground beneath us gets shaky and we scramble to get back on firm footing. This scrambling can look like lashing out, hateful comments, blame, shame, etc. The problem is, when we get caught up scrambling for psychological comfort and safety, we can forget to love. I think we are entering an age where our job is to let go of the ground beneath us in order to love ourselves and others, if love is what we proclaim to do. Love like Jonathon loves. Love in a way that leaves us on shaky ground. If I could have lunch with Jonathon, I would ask him what he thinks of loving people who hate. I would also ask him to help me bridge the gap between my fearless writing and my fear of the grocery store:)
Cheryl Strayed
The other celebrity that is coming to mind is Cheryl Strayed. If you don’t know who Cheryl Strayed is, she is an Oregon author who has written several books, her most well-known titled, “Wild”, a memoir about her solo hike and healing journey on the Pacific Crest Trail. I was able to hear Cheryl Strayed speak in-person on two different occasions and they were both transformative. The first time I heard her speak, I held back my tears so I wouldn’t make the person sitting next to me uncomfortable. I learned my lesson! Tears held inside transform into poison. I made myself sick holding in my tears. I had nightmares and tossed and turned all night long and, in the morning, I vowed to myself that I would never hold my tears in again for the sake of making others comfortable. The next time I heard Cheryl speak, I let the tears flow. I don’t remember her words, but it is something about her bravery, openness, and comfort with herself that touches me very deeply. Those are all qualities I value and aim to embody. I was standing in line to get her autograph, wiping my tears, and the person next to me in line started chatting with me.
“What did you think of her speech?” he asked.
“I cried my eyes out the whole time. It was so inspirational”, I replied.
“That was pretty cheap of her to fill up six minutes of her time reading out of her book” he quipped. I felt a punch in my gut. If he only he knew how far I had come and what her words and presence meant to me.
We bantered back and forth a little more and when it was my turn to meet Cheryl, with my voice shaking from nerves and emotion, I told her how I had cried through her whole speech. She was warm and lovely, and said, “That means it spoke to your heart”. She was right, it had, and these moments of healing are very real.
The man standing behind me asked her a smart sounding question and then proceeded to speak about himself, as if it was a business opportunity, and for him, maybe it was. Or maybe the idle chit chat was his way of staying on solid ground. This moment stayed with me. People’s reactions are a reflection of them and what they want and need. It is the same with positive feedback.
When you share parts of yourself with the world, these parts of you become a world of other people’s projections for better or worse. The praise and criticism aren’t what saves or ruins us, it is our escape from both of them that frees us - I suspect. I’m not free yet, but much freer than I once was. If I went to lunch with Cheryl Strayed, I would ask her if and how the writing process has helped her become freer.
I just found out Cheryl Strayed will be speaking at a luncheon at the 2025 Willamette Writers Conferences so having lunch with her isn’t so far-fetched. I have attended this conference the last several years and if I am able to attend this year, I’ll be sure to ask her my question in-person. If you want to attend, here is the Facebook link to save the date
https://facebook.com/events/s/2025-willamette-writers-confer/1257139875408074/
Elizabeth Gilbert
The other person I would love to go to lunch with is Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of the massively successful memoir, titled “Eat, Pray, Love” (over 12 million copies sold). I perceive Elizabeth Gilbert to be a deeply spiritual, empowering, and inspirational human. “Eat, Pray, Love” is a memoir that ended with Elizabeth falling in love with her prince charming. I did not enjoy the book, but that is about me and does not detract from my respect for her as a phenomenal writer and human. Eat, Pray, Love was a book with an ending that leaves you feeling safe and satisfied. But what many people might not know is that she went on to divorce her happy-ending prince charming, fall in love with a woman, and then shortly after falling in love, she sat at her beloved’s bedside as she passed away from a terminal illness. This is not the ending we wanted. Go back to the fairy tale ending please. Put us back on solid ground! But what about Elizabeth? What does she say about it? I just saw on Instagram that she just wrote a book about this topic! Here is the link
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DE47kNWOuuu/?igsh=ZXQwdmNhc2hjMm04
Listening to her speak in recent years has been incredibly inspiring. From my perspective she has become an immense being whose words and presence heal. Even though she has shared so many parts of herself with the world, I don’t know her. Ultimately, we are known only to ourselves. New narratives are always being written, the story is always unfolding, and each story is only a sliver of truth - a fleeting glimpse in the mirror - never the whole picture. This is, perhaps, one of the secrets about writing to heal. It may or may not transform or liberate others, but it can transform and liberate you. If I was to have lunch with Elizabeth, I would ask her thoughts on happy endings. Maybe her new book will provide some answers to this question as well.
Jonathan Van Ness, Cheryl Strayed, and Elizabeth Gilbert have bravely shared so much of who they are with the world and in doing so they have played a role in my healing. They have also opened themselves up to become a world of other's projections. And still yet who they really are -ever evolving- remains free, untouched, and belongs only to them. They inspire me to continue to write myself free.
Who would you have lunch with if you could have lunch with anyone? What would you ask them?